This story was originally submitted to Cracked.com, but was rejected for the simple fact that it was just plain creepy.
We all like to think that everything is fine, and really it is. I mean we're a lot better off here in the United States than most and that's a good thing. Ah yes, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, just like the founding fathers intended. We can watch the news and see the economic instability in Europe, burgeoning democracies in the Middle East, and the economic powerhouse that the far East is becoming. We can be concerned. We can be thankful. We can be glad that we are not them living in some second rate police state, I mean after all, look around you and...huh?. What...is, is someone watching me?
Your Appliances
Congratulation! You've made it to the future. Here, all of your appliances are interconnected via the internet. Your refrigerator will send you a message telling you when you're low on milk. You can set your DVR from your phone to record those lost episodes of Gilligan's Island. Large appliances will run during off peak hours. You're home security system tells you who is in your home while you're away. Why, even the lighting adjusts to your preconfigured settings when you enter a room. It is a technological utopia. The internet as we know it isn't able to run it all though. It seems that we're running out of IP addresses, which has actually spawned its own black market. All sites have a web address, or URL, but that address is converted to numeric IP addresses by a Domain Name System (DNS) server so in practice, there is a limit.
IPv6 technology was created to manage the growing demands on the internet from computers, smartphones, home appliances, gaming devices and all sorts of sensors and actuators that have yet to be invented. This transition from one technology to the other is the new Y2K (remember that) for large business and government with a near frantic global retooling. Most home and small business users won't even notice the transition. You won't suddenly need a degree to plug in your toaster, but you will want to update your firewall settings if you change internet service providers after the January 1, 2012 industry deadline. If your internet doesn't work after that day, you know what happened. Fortunately the government has set their own deadline for a later date just in case.
No need to panic folks. Your government is here to help.
War on Terror
All was fine in the life of John H. Gass of Massachusetts until a Department of Homeland Security antiterrorism program recognized the face on his driver's license as belonging someone else. It seems that law enforcement frowns on that and rather than investigating the matter, Mr. Gass' driver's license was suspended and he was required to prove himself as not being an unperson in order to regain his privileges.
Sure it was just a computer error, but in Mr.Gass' lawsuit it's estimated that this has happened more than once. But really, what's the worst that could happen?
Facial Recognition
So you get to the airport, you're late, you get a little aggravated, but say nothing averse to the ticket agent as you check your bags. You dash off towards the terminal, and wait. You're standing in line waiting to be scanned, glancing past the other passengers wondering “What the hell is taking these guys so long?!” But you're not going to say anything because you don't want to get into some weird TSA handballing fetish scene. You're probably saving that for the S&M conference that you're going to anyway.
Well it turns out you don't have to say anything anymore. The expressions on your face, your behavior, you adjusting your crotch, and you eying that booger for it's nutritional value has already been cataloged by the airport's pre-crime detector program, Future Attribute Screening Technology (FAST). FAST is a program currently being tested at airports in the northeastern United States that can supposedly 'sense' whether you are planning to commit a crime. Similar to a lie detector, but not bothering to use controlled instruments like direct contact or questions, FAST measure various indicators to judge a person's state of mind and intent. On an unrelated note, the TSA at Logan International Airport in Boston is now using the more exotic approach to counter terrorism such as making eye contact when they talk to you.
Maybe next year you should take a train, they don't search that shit, do they?
An Increasingly Mobile Society
So you're tired of the lines, the pat downs, the radiation. Dammit, you're an American and you shouldn't be subjected to a state sanctioned molestation. The airplane isn't the only way to travel and by golly, you can always appreciate the open road. That is until you get stopped, and then you kind of have to do it.
As it turns out, the TSA's Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response (VIPR) program participates with local law enforcement in some 8,000 unannounced security screenings each year with airport-style screenings of passengers at bus terminals, train stations, subways, and ferries. There is also at least one report from Brownsville, Texas of the VIPR program having been extended to include personal vehicles. Couple this with a recent Indiana Supreme Court ruling that the right to resist an unlawful police entry into a home is against public policy and is incompatible with modern Fourth Amendment jurisprudence, and you're pretty much reduced to that moment when your mom found your porn stash.
Just be sure to smile for the Mobile Offender Recognition and Information System (MORIS) when they stop you and to provide a DNA sample if they arrest you because of your new found diminished expectation of privacy. MORIS is an iPhone compatible biometric device that is capable of performing iris scans and facial recognition searches against the manufacturers managed database. The Bill of Rights was a stupid idea anyway.
Social Networking
Social networking has certainly changed the face of culture as now we tell everyone everything about ourselves including who all of our friends are in alphabetical order. We check in at any little mediocre event we go to. We post and tag our most current pictures online, which is not always a bright idea as learned by Canadian water polo star and Olympic hopeful Nathan Kotylak who was tagged on Facebook stuffing a gasoline soaked rag into the gastank of a parked police cruiser following the Canucks Stanley Cup loss to the Bruins in Vancouver.
“So I just won't post my picture,” you smugly say to yourself. Once again the efforts of what's good and right have been thwarted by your evil genius. As it turns out, “they” will take your picture for you, from an unspecified distance even. The Air Force has been working on a camera that is capable of creating a digital signature of your face and using your biometric information to locate and track you, anywhere. How many cameras do they have anyway? Now you'll just have to walk everywhere making that grrr-face for posterity.
Fortunately you can always friend “them” online, tag your own photos, and just give them the straight feed on your activities. Unfortunately they're sneaky bastards so you'll have to start 'friending' random strangers, kind of like you did with those hobos when you were a kid.
Internet Privacy
Did you know that your profiles really aren't that private? I mean sure you can block your family from seeing your "experiment" at that party, but maybe it's not your family that you need to worry about. Law enforcement agencies of all stripes are allowed to browse your complete Facebook profile and all of your linked accounts for information due to a loophole in regulations from the 25-year-old Electronic Communications Privacy Act that was designed to protect telephone users from illegal wiretapping. The internet as we know it didn't even exist 25 years ago. In reality whoever owns the copyright on the website or the server that the information is stored in owns whatever content there may be, and technically information that is stored for over 180 days is fair game. Your lazy ass not clearing your Inbox or saving grandma's first email just makes their a lot jobs easier.
Fortunately for you, agoraphobia will soon be socially acceptable.
It seems that privacy does not exist like it used too in today's society. There was a time when people were very sensitive about their personal privacy. We didn't talk about how much money we made, or how we raised our children. We definitely didn't talk about who we voted for, but that's a bit out the window since an affiliate of Anonymous released hacked portions of the Florida voter database that included information on voter and candidate statistics.
But that's Florida I'm one of an estimated 2,095,006,005 internet users, globally. Who cares what I do online? They...I mean we do, we really do. By all means link your Facebook login at every opportunity. It's convenient and will help you save time on having to remember all those other pesky passwords. On the down side, you may need a FOIA request to get a password reminder if you forget yours because between the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency's interception system, Echelon which is capable of intercepting every electronic transaction made, and the National Security Agency recording as much from the internet alone every six hours as is stored by the entire Library of Congress, your private life isn't really all that private. Yes, even those webcam chats that you've become notorious for. Add HR 1981 to the mix, which requires ISP's to retain all of your browsing information for 12 months and you're pretty much out of the closet.
With that, a recently recognized piece of advanced software called Nexus 7 combines all of the previously mentioned capabilities and more, and is currently in use in Afghanistan. Nexus 7 uses collected information from various resources to create population centric cultural intelligence. Of course it's all for the greater good and the technology uses a technique similar to Search Engine Optimization to identify and target specific individuals that may be involved in specific activities, but rather than looking for one individual, it uses a god's eye view to look for everyone to find out how communities work and to identify individuals that pose a potential threat. But that's Afghanistan, because doing all of that stuff here in the United States would just be unethical, wouldn't it. Hopefully Nexus 7 will make the Federal Government's IPv6 transitional deadline of September 30, 2012.
You may want to burn your computer after reading that last part. In fact, you probably should. I wonder if iPhone has an app for that?
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